Batrep!! Batrep!! Read all about it!!!

So Wednesday night My man Shawn came over and we would throw down 1750 points of Astra Militarum vs my beloved Eldar. I'm gonna be straight up this was a tense battle. Dice were rolled, rules were debated, fists were thrown, hookers were buried, models were killed, objectives were secured, coke was snorted, guns were discharged, psychic checks were failed, perils did occur. Obviously some of that may not have occurred... I never debate rules. I'm always right.

So anyways he showed up with some list where I couldn't make heads or tails of what the holy hell was happening with it. Then I showed Shawn Battlescribe and how wonderful it is. Seriously it is amazing. I much prefer it to army builder.

So I rolled with a Iyanden style force. I have a hard on for my Wraithguard lately. They have been doing so good for me. I know its not a lot of bodies but not being wounded on 3's and being forced to save 64 wounds a turn makes them amazing. It reminds me of my friend Kyle picking up Blood Angels, he loved the fluff don't get me wrong, however he was tired of T3 5+ armor save. I feel his pain. Even though Eldar are pretty much the most OP army in the game. I digress. So I took 3 squads of WG, 2 with D-Scythes and 1 with Wraithcannon. All in Wave Serpents, normal kit as usual scatter laser, holofields and shurican cannon. I took 2 Wraithknights. 1 stock and 1 with Suncannon/scatter laser. Then for good measure I took 3 Spiritseers.

Shawn rolled in with 3 Leman Russ, 1 Vanquisher and 2 Plasmacutioners ones. 1 Vendetta, Manticore, 3 squads of dudes, 1 squad of vets, 1 heavy weapons team (lascannons), 2 primaris psychers and a company command squad. Ohh there was a Chimera somewhere in there as well. So yeah a bunch of AV 14 and I have minimal answers for it. Ahh what's life without challenge.

Roll off was won by him, we played crusade 5 objectives, hammer and anvil. My absolute least favorite way to play fuck around with AM. They have the guns to reach out and touch you. I did not in this list. I have 7 S10 shots. 7. 7. 7. 5 with a 12" range. Gee wonder what my happy ass has to do?!



 

 

Turn 1 Shawn:

He proceeds to pour a dump truck full of dirty heroine needles into one of my Wave Serpents. Doing... 2 HP's!! Seriously he put a lot on it and did shit. Total side note. If you have Eldar buddies who use jink with holofields please hear this. The +1 from the holofield only takes effect AFTER you have fucking moved. Stop cheating people. I bring this up because later when I would be saving on 3's Shawn would ask why it changed. Anyways he put 3 tanks full of shots on it and the manticore and just rolled well like Kyle normally does. 1's and 2's. Really lame shooting phase for him. Don't worry my turn 1 will blow your pubes off!

 

Turn 1 Caleb:

I would flat out all 3 Wave Serpents. I would then shoot my stock WK at a tank inflicting zero god glances or pens....My other WK would fair a little better by killing 56 guardsmen. I mean 6... womp, womp, womp....

 

 

 

Turn 2 Shawn:

He sees what I'm doing and moves his 2 Russ's away from me. The WS in the middle had 2 HP's stripped away and I was leaving it as bait. So more amazing dice action here. He does 2 wounds to my stock WK and that's it. He got prescience off on one psycher causing a perils while he was at it. The other failed. His Vendetta came on and did the wounds to my WK. Shit is now starting to get tense in my garage. I'm close to his shit and he knows it.

 

Turn 2 Caleb:

I empty the WS on the right in the pic of its WraithScythes and eradicate those guardsmen hiding beside the building. I mean I made them a grease spot. WS on the far left lets its Wraithcannon guys out and we proceed to do one damn glance on a Russ. WK stock would really rack up some damage here with 2 hits and no FUCKING glances or pens again. WS in the middle disembarks and makes the bad lascannons go away. Ohh and I made a dangerous terrain check for the first time ever!!! Seriously guys I made one! Like 50 fucking games without passing on a WS and I finally did!!! On a 2. Lesson here stay the fuck away from hills.

 

 

 

Turn 3 Shawn:

So he would double down on the perils and kill his 1st psycher and do some wounds to his company command squad. Pretty funny. He would wipe out my stock WK with some good shooting. He would immobilize the far WS with a single pen. I fired my Serpent shield earlier at the Vendetta I had no outs it was down. He would also wreck the middle WS by stripping its last HP away. He killed I think 1 wraithguard between all 3 squads as well. Let me tell you though this motherfucker was sweating. Nervous. I was right there and he couldn't do shit to get away.

 

Turn 3 Me:

I would do some good stuff here. I got Voice of Twilight off and used it well. Pay attention because me over relying on this would sting later. I would kill 1 of the Russ tanks and then proceed to kill off his last regular squad of 20 dudes. It was magic. I think the other Russ was stunned as well so it couldn't shoot its template weapons. Score me. I would also then drop Psychic Shriek on his company command squad killing all of them but the commander who had 1 wound left.

 

 

So this is the last decent pic I had I was pretty fucking drunk after this.

 

 

Turn 4 Shawn:

Its gets fuzzy here. I know he periled on his other psycher causing a wound to him and losing a power. His Vendetta would shoot up my last WS pretty good. His Manticore ran out of missiles but it did some work this round. It had 2 blasts and killed off several WG and wrecked my immobilized serpent. Great way around jink btw. Target the unit beside them and pray for scatter. If you ain't targeted you cant declare jink!! yes In know some of you are thinking "hey immobilized shit cant jink". Well yes I agree and I don't take advantage of this loophole but technically find in the book where it says you cant and that jink requires previous movement. It doesn't.

 

Turn 4 Me:

I whacked the Russ in the middle and the Chimera. Thank god. I had to charge the Russ to kill it. Hello witchstaff with armorbane!! Paint in the ass AV14 is I tell you. I didn't have the shots to deal with it. It would almost cost me the game. I remember at this point I had zero to shoot at the Vendetta with. Good times there. I do recall a failed charge by my WK against the Vendetta (it was in hover mode asshats settle down). It stock out because it was a 4" fucking charge. 4" its arms were literally touching the god damn thing. Yet I failed the charge. Damn you dice gods. Damn you to hell. So in this turn I would fail both my Voice of Twilights. I need that to get back to the objectives. Game was getting close to ending and I wanted to make sure I won.

 

Turn 5 Shawn:

So now in retrospect we though it was turn 6. Drinking makes games funner!!! It wasn't...I don't think anyways. His remaining psycher would peril... again. Killing himself. 4 straight turns 4 straight perils. 2 dead Primaris Psychers. Serves em right. Stupid humans should not mess with powers they don't understand. Se all he had left was a platoon command squad, a manitcore with no missiles and a company commander with 1 wound left. He would kill 2 WG I think but he was limited. Hell it was so bad he had to shoot the flamer on the Manticore.

 

Turn 5 Me:

I should record these matches and watch them over. I'm kinda clueless what happened here. Shawn in new so I started taking to him about end of game strategies. I started explaining the ways we both could win. We didn't actually finish the game it was 11pm and I was beat and lit. I think currently at that point it was a 7-7 tie. Had I finished though I could have pulled it out. Failing the last VoT really screwed me there. So here are some pretty pictures from Shawn to keep you pacified. Enjoy.

 

 

 

 

So was this a good Batrep? I don't think so. I really cant remember shit of turn 5. Impressive. Shawn said it was the best game of 40k he has ever played. He loved the regular missions. I have been doing  Maelstrom missions with him because I am usually pretty bored with regular ones. However this time it was good. It let him focus on all of this army rules and let us take the game at his pace. I always forget he only has like 8 games in. He isn't as experienced as myself. I got to remember he is still a student of this and I am a bad teacher if I don't let him learn.

 

See you around the way...

 



My Minotaurs are all done!!!

So if you have been reading my blog you know I man crush on GW's Minotaur model. Its a little gay my obsession with these hunky, bloody, hateful, rage fueled, murder train that are Minotaurs. I really like the model. I know what your thinking. "Don't ever touch Caleb's Mino's they for sure have semen on them...". Jerks they do not... have much at all on them I aimed away...

Lets reel this back in. So I have all mine done. 15 minotaurs, 1 doombull and 1 taurox. That's 17 total if you went to school here in the Ohio Valley. Its my first completed fantasy unit so I am pretty proud of them. I've only got 3 games of WFB in but I dig these sculpts a lot. They are super easy and relaxing to paint. A lot of dry brushing, shade washing and only some small detail work so they don't drive me crazy. Unlike my Eldar which I find maddening to paint. I digress.

So the idea I had was pretty simple. Beastmen. Beasts, animals, variety, lots of species or races if you will. Numerous ethnic groups, diversity, a lot of colors all pretending to be united to kill other cultures . Kind of like America but without all the shitty hip hop and country music (here's looking at you Kanye West and Luke Bryan). So with that I painted them in batches of three. I kept the skin color the same on all three at a time but would change little things. Armor tones, hair color, accent tones on leather etc...

The bases were a mix of red, black and a yellow sand colors I think 4:2:1/2 was the ratio. I didn't measure who the fuck am I lying to? Then I only let the glue set for 30-60 minutes then I applied Agrellan Earth from GW. Applied thickly it cracks not only itself but the basing mix as well. I al wicked happy with the results. Drop a little lichen for that wasted earth look and BOOM mother fucker!!!

Pimps...

 

The pimps asses????







 

 

So the banners I find embarrassing. I am not a artist have never claimed to be at all. It was the best I could think up. The one with the runes was my GF's idea. Pretty and clever better watch out for that one. Love you honey! The ones with the weird bull horn thingy go bob well that was my idea. Stop laughing!!

 

So some highlights I learned from these guys. The sculpts make them easy to paint. A lot of deep recesses for the washes to lay in. TO get the flesh, tanned, brown hide looks took a lot of layers. I needed a lot to show through to give it depth. A little is a lot with dry brushing. Damn I cant count the number of times I over did it. Only to be forced to go back and unfuck what I did. Blood for the Blood God is awesome! Makes blood effects so easy even for a moron like me.

 

In games played I squared off against Kyle in a 2500 point WFB match. We rolled mission 2 I think. He whooped on my ass bad. Highlight of the game is watching a 800 point Minotaur/Doombull unit go FUCKING RUNNING FROM FUCKING SKELETONS!! Oh he had a 501 point Vampire Lord in there too but I can only see FUCKING SKELETONS KILLING MY MINOTAURS AND MAKING THEM RUN like ARVN soldiers during Vietnam. Lesson learned. Always charge when you are Beastmen. You will lose combat if you get charged. I still kind of hate WFB. Its so clunky to me. I'm trying though. I really am.

 

In a few weeks Kyle and I are going to demo WFB for Martin's gaming group. Should be fun. I am basically taking the same list. I just need to play smarter. I am also going to take my Iyanden Eldar list that did well for me. That's all for me gents and well no ladies that read this...

 

See you around the way...