Video Batrep....

Wow its pretty hard to watch but if you got 19 minutes check out Shawn and Kyle getting dirty on each other.

AM VS BA 1850

Ever seen a grown man unable to move because his butthole is puckered so tight? I have.... Finished!!!

So you see that intro and go...WTF? God damn Caleb you've been gone for a month and you start like that! I know you hate me. I understand my beautiful GF Cathy shares the same thought.
So I am back from vacation and a little hobby break. I haven't played a game in 3 weeks or painted anything. I took a little time off due to work/vacation and just a general hobby unplug. BTW the beach is amazing. For you neckbeards who tremble at the thought of the sun, exercise, or well lets start small, hygiene. I highly recommend a healthy dose of sand, sun and alcohol to charge the ole' hobby batteries right back up.

So onto the game 1850 Astra Militarum vs Eldar. My opponent Shawn "Overconfident" Mackey. This prick talks so much shit. Of course he is on like a 3 or 4 game winning streak against me. So he got a new FW tank called the Anal Excruciator or something like that. He wanted to try it out. He has also made a truckload of terrain that came out really great. He has been banging out trees like a crackhead steals cooper.

So list wise I brought two 7 man Fire Dragon squads in Serpents, 3 Ten man Dire Avenger squads (2 in Serpents) all with exarch and shimmershields, 2 Farseers, and 2 two man squads of war walkers with Brightlances. Hello list tailoring!!! I know, I know it was a dick move, however after my last attempt of using Striking Scorpions he needed a challenge.

His list was 3-4 infantry squads with a heavy weapons team, like some other heavy weapons guys, and some command guys, a tank commander with punisher gun, 3 more Leman Russ's, Vendetta and a Manticore. You know guard. A bunch of tanks and infantry. So lame.

We rolled the relic.... I hate the relic. I am impatient and the relic requires you be patient. It requires you to at least pretend to be a general. there are only 6 VP points at stake in the relic. First blood, linebreaker, slay the warlord and the actual relic. Hey who cares lets roll some dice.

 This was how we laid out Shawn's new shit. We called being in the trees difficult terrain and it offered a 5+ cover save. Looks good. I hate to say it because he will read and that giant noggin of his will only inflate more...

 

 

He wins the right to go first and chooses his side. Total side note. I haven't gone first in a 40k game in like 6 straight games. The deployment on the far right would later prove to be a huge mistake.

I laid out my stuff. I left my War Walkers in reserve in case I didn't seize the initiative.

 

I know good job taking pics.... from the wrong angle... I'm still new at battle reports, eat dicks... I not new at your mom though... What's that?? Moving on.

 

First turn Shawn.

He doesn't move a lot. His psychic phase is a joke. He only brought 1 Primaris Psycher. He would not get a power off the whole game. He would either fail, peril or I would dispel it. We talked about this afterwards. You either bring at least 2 or don't bother. Moving on. He fires a lot into my Wave Serpents. He does wreck one and strip a HP from another. Not bad for me I feel good about it.

 

First turn Caleb.

I try to move a little closer. I'm trying not to get to aggressive yet. That's horseshit you know what I did. With one Serpent down I'm jumping on his ass....

 

HOLY SHIT ITS 8 AM I HAVE TO GO!! I have a Warhammer Fantasy tournament I am attending!

 

 And I'm back. I'll tell you about my fantasy tournament and how it went in my next post.

 

First Turn Caleb cont...

So I'm down a Serpent. I have 2 still with the FD (Fire Dragons) and one with the DA's. My command team of 10 DA's with Farseer are safely hidden. Even though smartass try to snipe them out with a Master of Ordinance. Who he left standing in the open on top a shed.... Yeah he passed away due to grievous holes from scatter lasers in his body... Which also killed enough to cause a morale check on this company commander. I flat out one WS with FD and the other I don't. Overall normal turn for me. BTW he passes his leadership with a 9... Grrrr. He didn't have a re roll either I was praying for a flee reaction.

 

Second turn Shawn

His Manticore whiffs. His two tanks on the far left both plasma cutioners down another Wave Serpent. Then for the grand finale. I have a Serpent 6" away from his tank commander and his buddy. He unloads everything into this. Did I mention I cast fortune on the serpent earlier? OH, I didn't yeah. That sound is me laughing as he pours shot after shot into it. Doing..... 1 glance. I see his face. Between the sweat and tears I know he is nervous. His Vendetta comes on and let me say this now. I usually struggle with vendettas. I don't take anti air because I am dumb. This Vendetta though would do dick this game. He was really upset. I however was ecstatic due to the last 3 games it put in work. So his turn passes and it wasn't looking good. He also immobilized a Leman Russ trying to get cute moving over terrain. HAHAHA. I laugh like a jerk now because I do this at least once a game.

 

Second turn Caleb

I unload my FD and make sure my Farseer is within 24" for guide on the FD. Check. I Try running my other FD up to get within range. All I need is a 5" run for battle focus... re rollable... 2" both times... Shit I'm in the open and in trouble there. he has a squad and 2 mostly functioning Russ's.

1 WW (war walker) squad comes on. So wow FD's can do work with 6". They fucking erase those 2 Russ's. He even used "pop smoke" order for a tiny cover save. He didn't save and I exploded one and wrecked the other. The look on his face now is one of SOB.... My WW squad would stun the Manticore. Yay!!! No shooting blast weapons on snap shots!!! I feel good.

 

Third Turn Shawn

He tries to move his remaining movable Russ but he is gun shy. He is afraid of another immobilized result. So those 2 Russ's and the squad over there unload into the dragons and kill all but 3. Who wouldn't run! Nice! I have 2 WS left and all my troops. Ohh shit this is looking good. Then the  platoons and squads I cannot differentiate between them, seriously aren't they all the same, open up shop on my WW's and FD's. This wasn't as good. WW squad gets erased and the FD's get shot up bad and run. I am not as confident now....

 

Third Turn Caleb

I unload my other Farseer squad and DA's with the following idea. I am going to psychic shriek them and then open up with the DA's. I only have to kill 7 guys to get to the priest. I knows these fags will run. I know it. So I cast doom on the vendetta. I know its going down... Don't you love when shit is all planned in your head and then it doesn't go right...  Well needless to say I got off Doom and then proceeded to fail 4 checks in a row, one of which was invisibility. Wow now my DA's are exposed and about to get wasted by his immobilized Russ. This was the only squad I was worried about getting the Relic. So I jumped then gun and took a shot at them. A round earlier then I needed to. I am such an impatient player. So Vendetta is fine doesn't even get scratched. Infantry platoon seems no worse for the wear. I do 6-7 wounds, but he makes look out sir's and the Priest is fine. My other WW squad would take out the manticore for good as well.

 

PICTURE BREAK!!!

 

Before FD's unload...

 

After...See any working Leman Russ's?

Call this shit foreshadowing.. Remember that failed invisibility?

Hey I had FD's here....

Turn 4 Shawn.

He moves what he has remaining infantry to close in on the objective. I am impressed even though things are looking tough he keeps his eyes on the prize. Nice work sir. So in the bottom picture you will see his deployment mistake. Those Russ's behind the bunker have a awesome cover save but a lot of LOS is blocked and the top Russ got immobilized turn 2 scaring him. So those two Russ's open up on my DA's with Farseer that are right by the Relic... Yeah that would cause a panic test which I of fucking course failed... You'll notice I haven't mentioned his psychic phase hardly at all. Well he didn't get one power of all game. Not one. I either Denied it or he failed. Anyways his Vendetta goes into hover mode because he is going to fly over all available targets and frankly he is on the ropes. He knows it and I agree its the right move. He cannot kill my last two serpents and he is frustrated I can tell. He is also slightly drunk though. He is smiling and laughing though so all is well.

 

Turn 4 Caleb

I drop that Vendetta and its awesome. It lands right in front of the relic and now he has no way to get there. It cuts off his platoon and command squads form getting there to contest. I ignore the Russ's behind the bunker and continuing shooting at troops. I move 2 Wave Serpents and a full DA squad to within 3" off the relic so I know I have the game most likely. I shoot up another infantry platoon with my remaining WW and then charge them. He has one turn... One turn with minimal shooting to wipe out at least 1 Wave Serpent and a full DA squad to have a chance. He has one squad of guys who could make it to the relic to contest so we play it out.

 

Seriously who parks this way??!!!

 

 

Turn 5 Shawn

His remaining Russ's do not kill the WS or the DA squad. He tries to move a chimera close to the relic. This is funny to me. It drives through terrain going all Brapp brapp brapp... and pops a wheelie on a hill. Yeah of course he passes his dangerous check. Jerk. CC with the WW doesn't go well. I am working them over and he does a glance. That I save. They run. I catch them bye bye...

 

Turn 5 Caleb

We call it. I have the game pretty soundly. 4-0 me. I had First Blood and the Relic we shake hands and then chat about 40k. Life rocks!

 

One of Shawn's guardsmen shot himself when he heard they lost...

This is me accepting the surrender of the Astra Militarum forces. Faggots... You never surrender!!

 

 

So I know this was long and let me say something real quick. I love WFB a lot. I cannot get enough of how good a game it is. Also I know I am a jerk for not going to the game day. Moving on. I will be posting some pics and quick reports about the WFB tourney that I went to. Where I won best painted no mind you! Hell yeah!! All that hard work paid off!! $15 dollars, shit I'm about to open my own painting studio called "I hope you don't want your shit anytime soon studio..."

See you around the way....